


You've Got Male

by AndeliaMaddock



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bath Masturbation, Cute overload, Dungeons and Dragons, FUCKING NERDS, M/M, Maps, Online Dating, Trans Male Character, binder, chatting online leads to pictures, disgusting beautiful nerds, footie pajams, hot as fuck, just disgusting jokes, map puns, packer, penis - Freeform, solorian chronicles, turnip pajams, vagina
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-08-12 04:23:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7920364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndeliaMaddock/pseuds/AndeliaMaddock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sebastian meets someone online when they visit his profile and see something they like. They get to chatting, and realize they have more in common than just being into other dudes.</p><p>Like, living in the same town, for instance.</p><p>They go on a date.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Sebastian jerking off while thinking about male farmer please?! love the blog <3
> 
> Listen, I'm nonbinary and this fiction spoke to me and came out quickly. I still haven't come out IRL to everyone though, so...

HoeInHand: What're you up to?  
ObsidianEgg: nothin much im just in my room  
HoeInHand: Are you alone?  
ObsidianEgg: Obviously  
HoeInHand: Fair enough, I just wanted to make sure. Want some pictures? You know, to keep you less lonely?  
ObsidianEgg: wow youre actually askin if i want dick pics before sendin some  
HoeInHand: I try to be a Gentleman.

Sebastian snorted, and leaned back in his chair. Ten minutes into this guy's profile, he'd gotten blipped. No one ever messaged him first. And when they did, it was an instant dick pic. He was already, sadly, impressed. It was a low bar to clear.

ObsidianEgg: so what kinda pics would a gentleman send a guy like me  
HoeInHand: What kind of pictures would you like me to send?  
ObsidianEgg: how about one of…  
HoeInHand: Of?  
ObsidianEgg: you in your favorite pajamas  
HoeInHand: Give me a few minutes, I need to go put them on.  
ObsidianEgg: np take your time

And he lazily scrolled through a video collection site and stroked himself while he waited. A minute or so in, he heard that familiar ding, and tabbed back over into the conversation.

Holy shit.

ObsidianEgg: ngl i expected you to be in boxers or something  
HoeInHand: It’s Winter, I can’t be naked when it’s just a low fire. Unless I have someone with me.  
ObsidianEgg: with pajams that cute i bet you could get someone fucking wow  
HoeInHand: You like them that much? Here’s another picture.

That was a buff butt, tightly clung to by fuzzy looking cowprint footy pajamas. Sculpted like a statue, Sebastian saved both pictures to his computer, and pressed his hands together and in front of his pursed lips.

Daaaaaaamn.

HoeInHand: I’m sorry, I’ll stop.  
ObsidianEgg: No, Please.  
HoeInHand: Hahaha, you really want me to continue? You weren’t replying. I thought maybe I was too forward.  
ObsidianEgg: i dont know how long youve been on this site but this is the nicest set of pictures ive gotten  
HoeInHand: Really?  
ObsidianEgg: i would love more  
HoeInHand: Want to see my others?  
ObsidianEgg: in that  
HoeInHand: No, I meant my other pajams. Pajams. That’s such a cute word.  
ObsidianEgg: omy yes please

He maybe panted a little, and bent over to get a better position to jerk himself. It was depraved. This wasn’t dick pics and promises to fuck Sebastian hard, like he really wanted. This was a nice person (maybe) giving him cute pictures of pajams. Pajamas! Even just that word, it was cute.

Maybe they were weird. Maybe they had one of those age kinks. Maybe.

He didn’t even care, he wanted more and waited on that tab, though he scrolled through the guy’s profile again. Farmer. Liked to work out. Enjoyed walks by the beach, combing for coral and other things. Owned their own house. Lots of animals.

They didn’t have any pictures on the site itself yet, but their profile was nice. No typos, but also that didn’t ring any alarm bells, even for a new profile, since the guy typed like he’d just found the internet and was worried about what grade he might get.

He bit his bottom lip and groaned when he saw the pajamas. Sock monkey red. With a little sock monkey hood pulled over the top. Disgusting. So cute. He was in love with, at the very least, these pajamas.

HoeInHand: Does this picture look ok?  
ObsidianEgg: yes yes it does  
HoeInHand: That’s good. I have another.  
ObsidianEgg: should i be sending you any  
HoeInHand: Do you want to?  
ObsidianEgg: yes but first you because i need to know where that zipper goes it could go anywhere  
HoeInHand: Oh, is that right? Well, I’ll send it to you, but only after you send me one of you in your cutest pajams.  
ObsidianEgg: i dont even wear any pajams  
ObsidianEgg: Pajamas damn it  
HoeInHand: :) Then maybe you could send me a nice picture of you in whatever you want to? No pressure though.  
ObsidianEgg: alright ill look for something good to wear since im not right now and uh  
ObsidianEgg: send some soon  
ObsidianEgg: that cool  
HoeInHand: Sounds great to me. Here, have another. ;)  
Obsidian: fuck yes brb

Oh by the stars, Sebastian tugged harder and shut his eyes. 

That zipper revealed a lovely treasure trail, and just such a nicely defined belly. 

And yet, here this guy was, still wearing fucking sock monkey footy pajamas. Even the little feet were monkey heads. 

Disgusting. Sebastian whined and pulled himself several times, then stopped, took a deep breath, and went to look for something that he could wear. Maybe. Maybe his cape?

He didn’t do this. Guys sent him dick pics, he occasionally laughed, and nothing ever came of it.

Could he actually take a picture of himself? Maybe even a risque one? Maybe he could start with the full cosplay and work his way down? Especially if this guy kept sending him pictures that got more and more skin involved.

He returned, costume on, and hard cock confined almost punishingly behind lore friendly garb. He was a cleric, and maybe the guy would find cosplay hot. Sebastian did.

ObsidianEgg: ready for a picture  
HoeInHand: Absolutely. Though, I’ve sort of snuggled up in a different set of pajams now.  
ObsidianEgg: youre not going to stop saying that word, are you  
HoeInHand: I don’t know if it was a typo, but it was really cute, ok? I can’t stop laughing. That’s all I want to call these now.  
ObsidianEgg: smh  
ObsidianEgg: ok you read my profile right  
HoeInHand: Of course, who would message someone without reading their profile? That’s rude.  
ObsidianEgg: thats either sarcasm or youre really as new to this as i thought  
HoeInHand: It’s not sarcasm. But I guess I am pretty new to this. Am I doing badly? :(

He tried not to laugh, but then that little :( stood out and he felt his own laughter twist into a similar look. Quickly.

ObsidianEgg: Literally the opposite of bad  
HoeInHand: I was worried maybe you didn’t like me saying pajams. I could stop.  
ObsidianEgg: No, please dont stop its really cute ok  
HoeInHand: :)

He giggled, Sebastian, him, he giggled. He couldn’t even believe it. But there it was, so not what he normally wanted, and yet everything he was ok with in the moment. He stifled them a bit, and tried to get into character.

ObsidianEgg: so im in a cosplay because i mentioned thats something i like in my profile  
HoeInHand: That’s really awesome! I look forward to seeing it if you’ll let me!  
ObsidianEgg: well youre in luck because i just did a roll for you to check your charisma and you got a natural 20  
HoeInHand: Is that good? :)  
ObsidianEgg: its the best you can roll  
HoeInHand: !!! :D

Disgusting and cute. He wasn’t normally into that. He cackled, and it took a moment before he could calm himself. Ok, ok. Picture time.

He pulled the hood of his swirly red cloak over his face, and put one arm out, holding the cape up, and showing the boots, trousers, and period/realm appropriate shirt, tucked in of course. He clicked on the mouse button, and his webcam took a shot he was ok with. Mysterious, attractive, without giving away too much.

Send.

He moved to sit down, but the message blipped before he’d even fully settled.

HoeInHand: Wow!   
ObsidianEgg: heh whatd you think  
HoeInHand: That looks hand sewn! It’s really nice. And you look lovely. :)  
ObsidianEgg: wanna roll to try for another picture  
HoeInHand: I’d like that.   
ObsidianEgg: oh no looks like you rolled a 6  
HoeInHand: :c

Oh no, the sad c. Sebastian shook his head, and couldn’t stop grinning. 

HoeInHand: Can I reroll, please? I think I sneezed when I rolled.  
ObsidianEgg: sorry pal rules are rules i cant make exceptions you have to wait another turn to get another shot at a picture from me  
HoeInHand: Ok then can I send you another picture? Maybe it’ll boost my statuses or something?

Sebastian felt that familiar twitch under his tight trousers, and he tugged at them a little. No, he wouldn’t take it out. He wanted to see this through.

ObsidianEgg: if you send a picture itll give you a temporary stat boost to your charisma and speech  
HoeInHand: What if I sent you a picture of me on my bed?  
ObsidianEgg: the boost may be bigger  
HoeInHand: I wonder how big I can get the boost to be. Can I min/max?

He cupped his face. This. This man. He inhaled deeply, and stood to take a few more pictures, to be prepared for when the other inevitably got a crit and got him down to his fantasy era appropriate underthings. 

ObsidianEgg: thatd be fine if you wanna try definitely  
HoeInHand: Ok, here’s another picture.

A picture of him in those monkey pajamas, taken in a mirror across from his bed. From that angle, his butt was nice and clearly round, and his legs seemed toned, with how the material stuck to them. It almost looked too tight, it was that snug.

Sebastian grinned and reached into his smalls and played with himself, just a bit. “This guy. Wouldn’t mind riding out to ride him.” Probably it was as far as Zuzu City though. He couldn’t tell from the profile. Normally he wouldn’t answer people who didn’t list where they lived, even though he himself didn’t fully.

Still. He was glad he had.

HoeInHand: I have to be honest, I’m a bit nervous. I don’t really do pictures. I’ve not been on one of these sites before.  
ObsidianEgg: ive been around on this site for a year or so but i dont do pictures either  
HoeInHand: It’s exciting!  
ObsidianEgg: it is and ive got good news  
HoeInHand: Oh! Tell me, please?  
ObsidianEgg: your turn do you want a pic  
HoeInHand: I would like to roll for charisma and to see you in your nice cosplay again! Please.  
ObsidianEgg: charisma check passed especially with the boost of your bubble butt  
HoeInHand: Ohhhhhh, nice.  
ObsidianEgg: picture oncoming  
HoeInHand: I’ve got a bit more than just a hoe in hand at the thought.  
ObsidianEgg: what a filthy thing to say  
HoeInHand: I’m sorry, I’ll stop.  
ObsidianEgg: dont stop  
HoeInHand: :D

He jerked a bit harder, though that didn’t stop him from working quickly with one hand on mouse to get the picture up.

Ties along shirt front undone, the hint of a smirk from beneath his hood, and a bit of reddish treasure trail leading to his very clearly outlined cock. It was a pair of period appropriate tight pants, after all.

ObsidianEgg: so what do you think  
HoeInHand: Yoba, that’s. That’s very nice. Looks really nice. Wow.  
ObsidianEgg: you really like it huh  
HoeInHand: I like it a lot. Do you think. Do you have to roll now to get another picture from me?  
ObsidianEgg: I rolled a 20  
HoeInHand: Hahaha. But I think I should roll your rolls too. And you got a 1.  
ObsidianEgg: :c  
HoeInHand: ;) But I could be convinced to let you reroll.   
ObsidianEgg: thats extortion  
HoeInHand: I’m clearly the villain in this.  
ObsidianEgg: yes me sitting here in a cloak with black and red everything im not the villain  
ObsidianEgg: you in your footie pajams youre obviously the villain  
HoeInHand: Absolutely. I’m glad you understand. This was all a ruse. I’m unstoppable. So, do you accept my offer? I let you reroll, and you show me another picture?  
ObsidianEgg: you fiend  
ObsidianEgg: fine here you monster  
HoeInHand: Hehehehehehehe…

He felt the redness in his cheeks flare up, and he posted a picture quickly, then settled in on stroking himself harder.

His shirt was gone in this picture, and he was all lean chest, with a smattering of red hair, and bush that lead to trousers that barely hid what was underneath.

Immediately, a picture of boxers, and no more pajamas, returned. No face, it was shot over the shoulder, but he could see so much. Tight ass, plump and juicy. Hairy legs, muscular and dense.

This guy definitely both worked out, and probably very much did work on a farm. That was sometimes just a schtick, but in this case, Sebastian would believe it.

ObsidianEgg: well if youre evil sign me up because im interested  
HoeInHand: :D  
ObsidianEgg: wow thats totally evil look how evil that face is  
HoeInHand: >:D

He straight up choked, laughing. It didn’t stop him from masturbating, but it made the process a bit more difficult. 

ObsidianEgg: holy fuck thats hilarious  
HoeInHand: Thank you. And I really enjoy that cosplay. Who are you in it?  
ObsidianEgg: im a cleric named Balthozar  
HoeInHand: !!!   
ObsidianEgg: what  
HoeInHand: Sebastian???

He paused, internally, and sorted through anyone who might know him.

Couldn’t be Sam, unless Sam was catfishing. Plus, that wasn’t how Sam talked at all. And Sam never called him his full name.

Not Alex, though he had a nice set of legs, and thighs, and… well. But Alex’s butt wasn’t that nice, he was almost certain.

Plus, this person looked a bit smaller than Alex.

Fuck. Who was this?

Oh Yoba. It dawned on him a moment later.

ObsidianEgg: youre that farmer  
HoeInHand: I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was you. You must hate me.  
ObsidianEgg: Why would i hate you  
HoeInHand: Because! I’m on here.  
ObsidianEgg: uh so am i  
HoeInHand: And it’s awkward, isn’t it? Maybe I shouldn’t have asked for pictures, I’m sorry.  
ObsidianEgg: dude relax  
HoeInHand: I’m trying.   
ObsidianEgg: is it a problem knowing im the one youre talking to  
HoeInHand: No…  
ObsidianEgg: so whats the problem dude  
HoeInHand: It’s really not a problem for you?  
ObsidianEgg: of course not i just told you its fine its ok  
ObsidianEgg: actually this is great  
HoeInHand: :)  
ObsidianEgg: because maybe i could see you in those pajams in person sometime  
HoeInHand: :O  
ObsidianEgg: is that a yes  
HoeInHand: You just rolled a natural 20. Please come by tomorrow at 8pm.   
ObsidianEgg: its a date then should i wear my cosplay  
HoeInHand: Yes, very much yes.  
ObsidianEgg: so youll be in pajams and ill be in a cosplay  
HoeInHand: It’ll be wonderful. I’ll make food. Maybe we could play some of those Solarion games you like.  
ObsidianEgg: ill bring it over  
HoeInHand: I need to go take a shower now, but I’ll talk to you tomorrow!  
ObsidianEgg: oh youre going to get cleaned up you filthy thing you  
HoeInHand: >:D   
ObsidianEgg: i should probably finish up and shower too  
ObsidianEgg: ttyl  
HoeInHand: Bye!  
HoeInHand: 

He kept the pictures up, in different windows, all scattered along his monitor. 

It wasn’t long before he finished, cleaned up, undressed entirely, and moved to his bed, ready for a good sleep. He was in bed earlier than usual, but he wanted to prepare during the daylight and actually be ready for his date.

Date.

Disgusting. Cute. 

Yoba, how had he gotten himself into this?

He couldn’t stop smiling.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The date is disgusting and cute. I have no excuses for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fight me in the cute pit, maggots. Bring your favorite pajams.

He knocked at the door, then posed a bit. Hood down over his face, head angled lower, one hand on the doorway, the other along his hips. His feet apart, and his body stiff, ready. Sebastian is certain he looks awesome.

He saw the feet first. Smiling turnips looked up at him, a purplish and white, and big enough to cover the feet. Tiny turnips grew out from those large feet turnips, and formed a pattern along a light green and blue background.

Sebastian tilted his head back, and couldn't help but smile, despite his wishes, at the pattern that continued all along the tiny farmer's pajamas. Pajams. He turned the smile into something he hoped was a little more mysterious. "I'm not late, am I?"

"Oh, no, you're actually right exactly on time! And you look great. I don't think the pictures did you justice." They step back, and one short arm shot out, and waved Sebastian in with a wide sweeping motion. "Come in, come in! I brought my table in by the couch, so we can play your game. If you brought it. Otherwise, we can do whatever."

Shoes are lined up at the door, and Sebastian sighed inwardly. He wouldn't be rude, even if it's strange to remove the calf boots from his costume. But he did. A moment after they're off, he followed the other to the couch, and settled in on the plush comfortable material.

On either side of the TV is a giant stuffed animal. A large pink fluffy bunny, familiar in that it was something expensive and cute that he'd seen at the egg festival. And a giant blue bear, stuffed and round, and with a cute face. On the TV itself, the medium nods and says it'll be a lucky day for those watching from Stardew Valley.

Sebastian smirked and nodded. "I sure hope so."

"What's that?" The farmer asked.

"You have a theme I see." He still tried to be dark, enchanting. But he couldn't stop the inward grin at how cute everything was. From the house, with flowers painted along a white fence, a brightness to counter all the white snow, to the decor where everything is soft and plush and beckoning, to the pajams. Pajamas! Sebastian breathes in slowly.

"I like cute things. No wonder I liked your profile! And you." He grinned.

Sebastian scoffed. "My profile isn't 'cute'."

"Oh." That sad face, perfectly representative of the simple :( that had been used to tug on Sebastian's heart before.

"I didn't intend it that way, at least," he recovered and glanced away, towards the kitchen and the smell of sweetness and apples. "I guess I could see how it might be."

"It was to me. I like it when people are passionate. You write with passion." He leans closer, "I hope it's ok I said that."

Of course it was. No one ever said things like that.

Sebastian pulled the hood down a bit, and kept his gaze steadily averted. "That's fine. So. I did bring the Solorian Chronicles. Are you still interested in playing?"

"I'd love to! I went and looked online about how to play, so I shouldn't need too much help with the rules, but I like it when people explain things how they understand, so that should be good." He's quick to talk, as he pulls the table closer over the soft rug. "I could maybe set it up while you explain?"

It's a reasonable thing to do. Sebastian settled in next to the other, and leaned in to help position things while he explained. "Because we're playing with just two people, I'll be the Leader and you can be the Player."

"Sounds good to me. I have no idea what I'm doing anyway." He was all smiles and hums while he spread the board and put pieces into place.

It was disgusting. Sebastian risked a grin or two when the other didn't look up. "Good. Do you know what you want your character name to be?"

"I can pick anything?"

"Within reason, yes." There was clearly something planned. Sebastian smoothed his face back into an impassive mask. "What name do you want? I need to write this down."

"Beganor." They beamed up, and pulled out a little happy elf figurine from their pocket. "They're a ranger."

"You already... you have a figurine?"

"I make them!"

A chicken crowed.

"Oh, the timer! Give me just a moment, I'll go get food for us. Do you like chicken?"

"Chicken's fine." He leaned back into the couch, and ran a hand through his hair. The hood flopped back, red material pooled on his shoulders, but he didn't fix it again. Eyes glanced over, and followed the form of the tiny farmer as they bustled about the kitchen.

That body was so small, but in such tight clothing, it clearly showed his tightly packed it was with muscles from day in day out of hard work.

Sebastian adjusted his trousers, and stood. "Perhaps I should help?"

"No, no, you're the guest, let me feed you." They waved Sebastian off, clad in giant bear hands as oven mitts.

The image of the shorter man actually feeding Sebastian forced its way into his mind, and he couldn't shake it away, no matter how hard he tried. He adjusted his trousers once more when he sat. A moment later, he pulled a frilly decorative pillow over his lap and steadied his breathing as best as he could. "You know, it's funny. Before last night I don't think we ever talked about anything much."

"No, we didn't. I... I get nervous talking to new people." They clattered about in the kitchen, and drawers and cupboards slammed shut as they stepped about in the rustic kitchen. A giant carved bear stood just beside a tiny wooden chicken, and the farmer bustled around them and between them to get everything prepared.

"I do too. It's hard to meet new people." He folded his hands together over the pillow and calmed a bit. It wasn't his fault that the butt looked even better in person behind those tight pjs.

"Imagine being the new guy then! I... well, that's alright. I'm glad we're talking now. I always kind of wanted to say something to you, but well. It's hard."

He had talked to the farmer before. He'd been given a daffodil. A flush of shame went through him, at the poor reception he'd had to the item, and how quickly the others face had fallen. "I kept the flower. It was really nice."

"It's ok that's not your thing." They grinned over, though it didn't quite reach the eyes. "Anyway, I'm almost done here!" He still waved with bear hands. A moment later, he frowned at the hands, and tugged them off with a hardy laugh. "Oh, I forgot I was wearing these. Silly me. No wonder I couldn't get the damn plates filled." He triumphantly held up a flipping silicon spatula. "I'll be right over, hope you're hungry!"

He waited expectantly on the couch, but even an attempt to prepare for food couldn't prepare him for what he got.

Sebastian giggled into his sleeve, and couldn't look at the red plate on his pillow. "Oh. Wow."

"Do you like it? I have apple pie for if you're still hungry after." The couch settled, and the farmer squirmed closer to them.

Dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets. Waffle fries. And apple pie to come.

He chuckled against the others shoulders, and shook his head.

"You don't think you'll still be hungry?" They tilted their head and regarded him with a bit of concern, though it melted into a grin after a moment.

Sebastian matched that grin. "I just. I haven't had dinosaur nuggets since I was 8. I forgot it even existed."

"Oh, no, no, that's not dinosaur, it's chicken. I'd never use dinosaur meat! I just use the coop to keep them around because they're so nice. Have you ever been kissed by a dinosaur? It's great." They dunked a breaded stegosaurus into a puddle of ranch on their own red plate.

"You have dinosaurs?"

"Oh, sure, sure, I bred them myself. I could show you sometime. I've got chickens, rabbits, pigs, goats, sheep, cows, dinosaurs, black chickens, all sorts of things. Animals, that's my main Winter income you know." A bit of ranch clung to their lip, but they seemed unperturbed by it. "They're all sleeping now though, so no waking them up. They like their beauty rest." With his smile, the ranch spread a bit more. Another bite of food, and it dipped down lower and clung to his lips, to be wiped away with the next bite. Still, some remained.

Sebastian licked at his own lips. "You've uh, you've got something right there."

They darted their tongue up where Sebastian motioned, then nodded. "Sorry."

Sebastian put ranch on his own chicken dinosaur, and let a bit hang on his upper lip.

They giggled, and scooted closer, "You've got something there." Napkin in hand, they tentatively reached towards his lip.

He leaned into the touch, and let them wipe it away.

"Do you want to explain to me the rules now?" He had a blush of red over his cheeks, and he sat back against the couch.

"I'd love to. We can play when we're done with dinner."

"No rush." They pulled a pillow onto their lap and put the plate over it, until Sebastian and their pose and posture matched.

\--~~--

"Umm. You can't really... tame skeletons."

"Is it against the rules?" They stared up, wide eyes.

"No."

"Then I want to roll to try. What would it require?"

"Well, you've put a ton of points into animal taming and charisma. Which helps. Roll." Sebastian stared down at the board. There was no way he'd get a high enough number.

"Is 18 good?"

Oh my Yoba. "Yes, it's good. Now, roll again."

"19."

He did the math. "The skeleton is so charmed by your abilities to communicate despite how he normally can only understand his master, the one who rose him, that he begins to follow you around with no malevolent intentions."

"Can I use my free action to name them Salsa?"

He clasped his face in his hands, and offered a weak nod over his Leader sheet. "Yes." He finally managed to speak.

"Yes! How tall are they?"

"Does it matter?"

"Well, I'm a tiny elf. I'm what, 4'5"? So if he's an elf skeleton, he might be short like me, but if he's taller, then that would be neat. I might get more skeletons, and I could have a skeleton friend entourage."

"There's no way most of the skeletons will follow you. This is a dungeon. You're not supposed to tame the monsters, you're supposed to fight them."

"But what if I did tame them?"

"Then... then you'd not get any xp, and how will you fight the boss?"

"Hmm." He pet the tiny skeleton card Sebastian had put in place to represent the skeleton. "I suppose."

Within five minutes, he had a skeleton army that consisted of Guacamoly, Jalapenoooooonoyoudon't!, Pico De Galo, Nacho Cheese So Don't Even Ask, and Tortilla Chip.

Sebastian sighed when the farmer rolled another perfect roll. The final skeleton to complete the army. "What'll you name it? It doesn't have to be a free action, just, tell me ok?"

He tapped his chin, and leaned forward. A pointer finger rubbed along the little cardboard skeleton token. "Ralph."

That was it. Sebastian stood up and stretched and tried, so hard, to not laugh. But he couldn't help it. He turned back towards the other, tears in his eyes. "R-ralph?" He flicked them away with a finger.

A solemn nod. "He's the cheery one. He sings and plays the ukulele. He can be a bard."

Yoba, preserve him. Sebastian thought his heart might burst. Things that would annoy him if Sam did them were all too cute on this tiny man before him. He slumped back into the couch and leaned against his date. "That's too much."

"Should he just play the ukulele instead then? I think the singing makes it more charming. I suppose that Guacamoly could take up the singing, since he's a nice baritone."

He felt his face flushed, and didn't even bother to try and hide it by now. The warmth was welcome in the Winter, and when they were alone. "I think it's perfect."

"Well, that's good, since you're in charge."

"So, you've got your skeleton entourage. Are you ready to move on?"

"Yes." They nodded, and rested their head against Sebastian's. "You smell nice."

"You too."

A rooster crowed.

"Oh! Pie's ready! I'll be right back." Just like that, they bounced up from the soft couch, and bounded over to the kitchen. Steps skidded and they angled their body heavily to they'd stop in front of the stove. Bear mitts on, they grinned over, and pulled open the oven door. "I hope you're ready for delicious. I specialize in baking sweets."

"What a surprise."

"I know!" No hint of sarcasm, just happy agreement. Out came the pie, and it settled in on the counter on a cooling rack with a metal clank. "We can have some in..." He picked up the rooster timer and spun its head around a few times, then set it back into its perch, and stepped back to Sebastian, "about thirty minutes."

"Sounds great."

"Now, what routes do I have in the game?"

"There's a locked metal door with an eerie purple light beneath it, and there's a wooden one to the left and the right that you haven't explored."

"I try to pick the metal door."

"Uh, you can try, but it requires a key."

"I ask my skeletons if any of them have a skeleton key."

His face buried firmly in the soft pajamas, once again. "Th-that's not. That's not how skeleton keys work."

"Aren't they master keys?"

"Y-yes. But." Sebastian couldn't even handle this. He stood and stretched and tried, so very valiantly, to not just lose control and laugh until he sobbed. "Do you have a bathroom?"

"Right through the bedroom. Here, I'll show you." Up they went.

Sebastian's longer legs still didn't help him keep up with the bolt of energy.

A giant table, with multiple maps, charts, figurines, and plush creatures. Maps lined the walls, and scribbled colorful notes slapped over them with doodles and written reminders. "Don't mind the mess, please. I've got a busy room."

He liked it. It was eclectic and creative. A bit more disordered than Sebastian's own room, but it still seemed to have its own internal pattern. "Eh, don't worry about it."

The bathroom was sea themed, with gulls and octopi, and a little tank with tiny fish and shrimp that cleaned and fed and swam about with complete disregard for the human who'd entered their realm. He grinned, and watched the tiny creatures go about his business as he went about his. 

Finished, he washed up with the lavendar soap, and carefully checked the medicine cabinet above the mirror. Bandaids, various over the counter pain relievers, and some sore throat spray. Nothing out of the ordinary. He closed the cabinet, and moved towards the large soaking tub. Bath salts, massage oil, shampoo, conditioner, a nice blown glass multicolored dildo.

He blinked. Oh, wow. He leaned over, and examined it. Yes, that was artsy, but it was unmistakably a dildo, hidden off in the corner.

Well, here came the blush again, and one last check at his face in the mirror confirmed it. He straightened up, adjusted himself a bit in his trousers, and stepped out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. Feet padded on soft carpets, and he made his way back into the living room. "Where were we?"

"You just told me that my skeletons don't have a skeleton key." He pouted and pulled a pillow onto his lap.

"Well, I wouldn't have a door without any key to it. Just, go find it. Do you want to go left or right?"

"I'm always right." A cheeky grin, and squinting happy eyes.

"Pfft. Ok, left it is." Sebastian matched the grin as best as he could.

"Hey!" But they cackled, and nodded. "I'll go left."

\--~~--

"Your skeleton companions are torn between service to their original master, and service to you, the one who has recently become so close to them and lead them to victory." Sebastian's voice lingered at a low, deep volume. "Roll, and find out if they stray."

"Do I roll for all of them, or individually?"

"Umm. This is sort of unprecedented for me, so. You pick."

"One for all, and all for one." He lifted his die, kissed them, and rolled them onto the maple table. White teeth flashed, and he turned towards Sebastian. "Do I keep my band?"

"B-band? They're just your entourage."

"But we collected the instruments from that dead bard. And his ghost can teach the skeletons how to play, except for Ralph and Guacamoly, they're already fine with what they know. They might try to pick up guitar, but everyone knows guitar. They want something with more challenge."

"Hey, Sam plays guitar."

Sheepish for once, they shrugged and offered a more loopy grin, "Well, they're really good at it. They'd be perfect to teach the band guitar. But you know, I already have this bard ghost, so..."

He snorted, and shook his head, "Come on, a band isn't going to defeat this final boss. You need fighters. Lucky rolls won't save you this time. He steps closer to you, a lich wizard who's gone mad with power and his desire to control armies of the undead. You can smell rotting flesh, and you watch as maggots crawl in and out of his skin and burrow deeper."

The farmer spooned some pie and ice cream out of his dish, and pressed it into his mouth. "Mmm."

Sebastian coughed and refused to look over at the cute display after repulsive words. "He steps closer, and his words ooze out like the slime that drips along the walls, 'who are you that dares to come into my inner sanctum'?"

"'Oh, I'm Beganor, pleased to meet you.' I put my hand out to shake his, using my free action."

"Y-you want to shake his hand? The lich responsible for tearing apart that village, and stealing all the bodies from the cemetery?"

"My mother didn't raise me to be rude."

He sighed. "The lich seems confused at the motion, as though all the humanity and understanding he once had has seeped out of him as the darkness and decay flows within him. He furrows what is left of brows, and stares down at your tiny form."

"I say, 'You're supposed to shake the hand. Like this'. And I use my free hand to shake his hand."

"Roll."

"For what?"

"Whether or not your charm keeps him from attacking at the motion."

Lucky roll. Again. For one of many, many times. He sighed, and wondered if it's something he can learn, to roll that well. Maybe the medium had been right. It was a lucky day for those in Stardew Valley.

"Bits of flesh fall off his hand, but he doesn't take your handshake as a threat, instead he seems fascinated by it. 'You will make an excellent skeleton in my army. A leader, even. You shall bring them to unholy glory. They already dare to follow you, but I shall use that.'"

"That's pretty rude. I pick up the flesh he drops, and try to put it back in place. 'I'm already a skeleton.'"

"What?"

"We're all skeletons, Sebastian. I'm one, you're one. We're all skeletons. They just don't have flesh. But what's the difference between us?"

"Dude, don't you like, fight skeletons in the mines?"

"Nah. I don't even fight the slimes usually. I just mine as quickly as I can, and run when things get too close. It's worked for me so far."

He pressed his back against the couch and stared up at the speckled ceiling. "You're unbelievable."

"Is that a bad thing?" Concern tainted the tone, and their lips turned down into a soft shiny pout, Sebastian knew without looking.

"No. I just don't think I've ever met someone quite like you." He turned, and scooted closer. "I really like it."

The lips shifted into a slight shy smile, and they glanced down at Sebastian's hand. A sticky pie hand reached out, and caught Sebastian's hand in his. "I'm glad."

Sebastian leaned in for a kiss, and felt a flush of excitement when he didn't have to lean far to get one in return.

Sweet sugar and apple cinnamon met his lips. He moaned softly, and helped the farmer place the dish of sticky sweetness away on the table, before they eased closer, and pressed their bodies against one another.

When the kiss parted, the farmer lay back a bit, and ran shaky somewhat sticky fingers through their hair. "That was nice too. Maybe nicer than that pie."

"Maybe?"

"You didn't even try my pie, so you don't know."

"I tasted enough."

They scoffed. "You can tell me yes or no when you've actually had a piece of it."

"Just for that, I'm knocking a point off your charisma."

"What!"

"Leader rules."

They stuck out their tongue.

Only the highest amount of self-control kept him from darting in, and taking it into his mouth in a more needy kiss. He ran his own fingers along his scalp and tried to arrange his hair. "I think it's your turn."

"No, I just used my turn to tell them I'm already a skeleton. I guess I'll add, 'And I'm not evil, and never will be.'"

He snorted.

"What?"

"Nothing, it's just, you're going to get wrecked by the lich."

"Oh well."

"Fine. I'd rather get wrecked than do something I don't want to do."

"He's evil though! He actively chose to be a lich."

"Just do his turn."

"He scowls at you, and green eyes that shine with dark magic narrow on your puny form. 'What do you come here for, skeleton-tamer? Are you here to destroy me, like so many foolish warriors before you?'"

"'No, I just came here to ask you to stop stealing bodies from the village. You have enough skeletons here to be happy.'"

"'What do I care for 'happiness' when I am here for power?'"

"'Let me show you the happiness your skeletons can bring'. I want to roll to ask the skeletons who follow me to play their instruments, with the bard ghost as leader and conductor."

"Yoba, you're not being serious, are you? What could that possibly do?"

"If I roll high enough, he might see how beautiful the world is, since apparently he never did when he had all his flesh on."

He was cheating the system and playing the game and playing with Sebastian's frosty heart. Sebastian snorted, and crossed his arms. "Fine. But there's no way you'll succeed."

Three dice rolls later, and Sebastian sighed audibly, though with a significant flush of red over his cheeks, and proceeded to narrate, "The lich, so very amazed by the performance his skeletons can put on, no doubt helped by how some of the skeletons had been musicians in life, sheds a single tear of joy. He claps rotting hands together at the show, and steps forward."

"I take a bow, and offer to help him teach the other skeletons how to bring joy, instead of fear, in the hearts of others."

"He accepts the offer."

"Do we all win?"

"I... I guess we do."

"I dedicate this game to Salsa. He believed in me from the very start. And Ralph, the leader ukulele."

"How is it possible you're this cute?" Sebastian angled his back a little, and looked over at the other fully, to take in every expression, every shift in posture. Everything.

They squirmed and clenched fingers over the pillow. "Ahhh, I don't know. Normally I don't... show this. I'm just happy I don't have to pretend around you."

"You don't?"

"S-should I?"

"No. I really like this. I just wonder why you feel so comfortable already."

"Don't you?"

"I... I do."

"You didn't tell me no online. I guess I felt bolder."

"I'm glad. I'm so glad you messaged me." Another inch closer, his mouth so near theirs.

"I am too. I almost didn't. I get so anxious sometimes." Fingers pulled tighter at the pillow, and he stared into Sebastian's eyes, an unsteady and almost apprehensive smile on his face, like he was afraid Sebastian might bolt.

"I still can't believe you made a skeleton band."

"It was better than fighting everything!"

He giggled and nodded. "If you ever play with me and Sam both, you two will be a force to try and handle."

"Would you be ok with that, if I joined you two in a game?"

"I'd like that a lot."

The apprehension eased away, and they brightened, then lunged forward into a kiss. Their body pressed over Sebastian's jacket and buttoned shirt. They eased themselves down over him, and pressed another kiss to his neck. "I really like you a lot."

Sebastian ran fingers over their back, and played his touches over the soft material. But something big and hard dug into his hip, and he squirmed and tried to get more comfortable. "Ah, what is this?" He reached towards the farmer's pajama pocket.

They pulled back and plucked the rock out. "Obsidian. I uh, had an idea maybe you liked it."

"I love it, how did you know?" He laughed and marveled at how perfect the object was. Sharp, shiny black, and lovely. He set it on the table, beside the sweet bowl, and tugged the other down by the collar into another kiss.

Between kisses, the farmer replied, "Lucky guess."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the end, music and love conquers all.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fucking babies, and horrible jokes and puns galore. Also, almost everything referenced is something: That I have, that my boyfriend has, or that one of my friends has.

"So, about those maps of yours?"

"Oh, you mean the ones on my table and wall?" They peeked up from where they nuzzled against his chest, warm and soft over his body.

"Those would be the ones, yes." He didn't even hide the smile by that point. He pet through soft strands of hair, down their back, and over the plush pajama material. "I'm interested in them."

"Really? What do you want to know?"

"Well, I thought maybe it would be nice if you'd show me them? I'm a visual and verbal learner, so if you maybe wanted to talk about them..." He focused on their expression.

Their absolutely, wholeheartedly, unabashedly delighted expression. Wide eyes, an open happy mouth, cheeks that they pressed palms to. "Really?"

"Yes?"

Off the rolled, with a narrow miss to kicking the table, and off they ran towards the bedroom. "Come on! I have so much I can tell you about."

In his hoodie pockets, his hands would normally be buried by now, and his face hidden behind the dark hood. But he was a different person at the moment, and he didn't bother to try and hide the pleasure at watching the other consumed in passion. He didn't disguise pink flesh under a red hood. Sebastian just stepped forward and followed the other into their bedroom.

Exactly where he'd wanted things.

"So this is the map of this area, three hundred years ago." They unfurled a map, and began to point. "So, you can see that it wasn't actually drawn all that well, because the cartographer was not actually a cartographer, but an art student. They sort of made guesses about how far things were from one another. It wasn't for another thirty years before records indicate someone came and actually measured the differences. Look at that." Another map, another series of intense gesticulations. "Look how different! The lake's entirely different in a way that thirty years of time, based on records of what happened in that time, just can't account for. The mountains are entirely different. And look here--"

Sebastian put his hands on either side of the farmer, and leaned in, to examine the differences over their shoulder. "I'm looking. This is fascinating." And really, it was, but he was a tad bit more interested in the warm body and thick form his date made in front of him.

They coughed, and continued. "L-look here." They rubbed back against him a bit, and offered a little shaky grin over their turnip colored collar. "I'm uh. Would you like to see a different map?"

"These ones are nice." His chin rested on their shoulder, and glanced over. Good. Someone else as red as he no doubt was. "Though, I'd like to see any maps you want to show me."

"How about one that no cartographer's mapped out yet?"

"Oooh, then how do you have it?"

They pivoted around so slowly, until their face was ever so close to his, and mischievous eyes lit up. "It's here." His hands roamed along his own front, from hip up to chest, and to the center, "but I've got to warn you, it's got some uncharted topography."

The grin flickered and he leaned closer. "Oh, you've uh, never been explored?"

"Not by anyone in town." They pressed a kiss to his lips, then ducked under his arms and scrambled towards the bed. "That could change though, if you're bold enough to come try!"

"If I get to explore your booty." He laughed, and followed after.

"I've definitely got no problem with that," and the farmer splayed out on his belly in a similar pose to in the picture. All hips and ass, shown off so nicely. Such strong definition. Such a cute thing to wear on such a hot body.

Sebastian had all but embedded that image, and the others, into his mind. He felt that familiar twitch stir within himself again. "That's good. I wouldn't want to trespass."

"Come find my mountains and move through my valleys," he flipped onto his back, and wiggled over the bedcover. Fingers pulled lightly at the zipper, and down it came. Underneath, a bit of smooth material, beige, stood out.

"Well, I am an adventurer. And I've definitely got some missions and side quests I'd like to embark upon in your lands." He moved over them, and pressed a kiss, and other things, to their body. To his neck, and jaw, and cheek. All the while, he moved over the other, and ground down. Sebastian was clearly hard and unable to hide it behind such clingy material, but the farmer didn't seem to be yet. That was fine. He reached down, and stroked along their belly. It had a bit more give, but it was still firm underneath, and he liked that. 

"Oooh, come have some adventures in me." He pecked a kiss down on top of Sebastian's head, and pulled the zipper lower. The thick material compressed his chest, and he lay back and took in a deep breath. "But give me a moment."

He'd seen some before. Sebastian sat up over them and watched with a bit of shielded curiosity.

The farmer inhaled, and exhaled, and on the exhale, pulled the velcro closure on the side, and his chest expanded upwards a bit as the material popped apart. "I told you these were uncharted mountains, right?"

"Well, I better get to work. Or should I take the mountain pass and skip to your valley?"

"I want everything explored. I love this land of mine." He shrugged out of the top of the pajamas and carefully slid out of their binder. "I bet you will too."

"There's no doubt I will. I already like what I'm seeing." And down he went, to kiss and suck at ‘mountain peaks’. He laughed a bit around a nipple, and slid his tongue along to the other nipple.

"Something funny, Mister Adventurer?" They stroked through his hair, and ground up against him.

"I can't stop thinking in map terms now. I don't even know anything about maps."

"Ooooh, like how you want to explore my depths and map every inch of me? And you want to go to my highest peaks and learn just how high I get?"

"Exactly." He nipped at the pink nipple, and eyed the other with amusement.

"That's a good sign." They eased even more heavily over the comforter, and let out a low sigh. "I think you should definitely spend time there before you move on. You can never be too thorough on a mountain."

"Oh? Like this?" He lapped around the edges of the areola, then sucked beneath the nipple at the soft swell of flesh.

"Just like that. Ohh, they're so sensitive after so long." He fluttered eyelids shut, and inhaled on a low sigh. Fingers massaged at Sebastian's shoulders. "You're so good with that tongue. And that tongue ring. I wonder where else you can make me feel good."

"I could follow the trail." He danced his fingers down towards the zipper, and tugged at it until it gave way and moved along dense hair. He paused when the hair got thicker, and looked up.

The farmer offered a nod of his head, and a wriggle of their hips. "Do what you want to do."

"I want to toss your salad." It was bold, and felt dirty out of his mouth, but he liked that feeling.

"Sorry."

Oh shit, he halted his motions again.

"I don't have anything to make a salad. But you could toss my radishes if you want."

Sebastian snorted, and tugged the zipper down until it met green boxers. And further. The farmer packed something in here, and he gave it a nice grope, and grinned. "Oh, you'd like that, would you?"

Another nod, and a hump up into Sebastian's hand.

"I wouldn't mind eating your dessert after that. I'm pretty hungry, after all." He pressed his face against the boxers front, and felt the pressure and the give. It was nice, not what he'd expected, but wonderful all the same.

"Oh, you don't want my pie, but you're just fine eating me for dessert?"

"I never said I didn't want your pie. I just... like to eat my sweets after I've eaten everything else."

"Ohohoho." They pushed the clothing further down their body, and squirmed out of it, until all that was left on them was boxers, and Sebastian. "Well, by all means. Enjoy."

Another tug, testing, but it grew certain as more flesh was revealed to him. Sebastian licked his lips, anticipating, and not even attempting to cover it. "You look so good."

They pressed their pecs together, and squeezed hard at their own pink nipples. "I hope you'll show me your sword, Mister Adventurer. I've got a sheathe in the back that I'd love to show you. See if it fits."

He felt that lopsided smirk smear over his so very often neutral face. He'd hurt for a week, from how many times his farmer had made him crack a grin, or wider. "I'm sure it'll fit, but I might need to work on it a bit first." Ah, here came the front, a nicely colored silicone packer, soft and yet firm in the middle. Very nice. He gave it a lick, and glanced up at the other.

Pupils were beyond just dilated. He moaned lewdly, and hitched his hips up higher. "That's right. Really work it, before you explore my caverns underneath."

He groaned, and took the dick into his mouth. He didn't have to worry too much about teeth, but he still worked it with just lips and tongue and low moans. All the while, he tried to look up at the other, to see that expressive face light up.

It did. The farmer panted, and whimpered, and pressed deeper. "That's a good boy. Suck it. That feels so good." And the voice rode a bit higher than usual, before it dipped down low and matched another heavy groan. "Now, why don't you strip, you naughty Adventurer? I'll keep you warm on this lonely Winter night." He pushed his boxers a bit further down, and flipped them off his legs and across the room. They skittered across some of the laid out maps and thwapped into the periwinkle blue wall.

So he sucked, and he tasted the silicone, and he moaned like he couldn't handle much more. And when he was through, he pulled it away, and set it gingerly aside. A moment later, that same tongue that had worked the head so sexually moved to another target, and he slid along a wet slit, and lapped up his hopefully boyfriend's juices. He could handle sticking around for a long time with someone who made him feel this good in everything. From just hanging out, to having sex.

"Fuck yes. That tongue feels so good, and the ring too. Work me over, babe."

Filthy words from such a sweet mouth. Sebastian whimpered, and worked faster, from the top bud, down to the entrance to his front 'cavern', and back up to that little peak of flesh. He sucked and kissed and swirled, and worked his fingers at the front, but didn't delve deeper.

"Finger me."

"Here?" He pressed the finger into the pinkness.

"No, lower. Use, uh, this." They slapped out without looking, and caught the front drawer of their nightstand. It slid open, and out they tugged a bottle of lube. "Here." He tossed it down. "That will almost never be a thing I don't want. Especially with that piercing." The smile was so much more naughty now, and they flipped it around into a devilish smirk with such ease.

Such a cute, dirty boy. Sebastian matched that grin, and pressed a single finger into their lower 'cavern'. And back to work he went, with a tongue that made sure to catch on the clitoris with the ring, just enough to really make them squirm and clench, and fingers that delved deeper, and spread them wider.

"Oh, you're so good at spelunking my depths." They giggled after, and shuddered around his fingers and mouth.

He pulled back and half-scowled up at them, with eyebrows that tugged together and pursed lips. "Really? That's... that's too much. I can't even take that seriously."

They fucked themselves over Sebastian's fingers and shrugged. "Oh no, but I bet you're still hard."

It was true. He was. But it was the principal of it. He huffed, but hid the grin behind pubic hair and a clitoris he sucked without mercy. Not that they seemed to want it, with the way they urged him on.

"I want more. Come on, harder." That tight, muscled butt with just the right amount of give thumped down over his fingers. "I want you."

"You're sure you're ready?"

"I'm as sure that I'm ready as that you're cute."

Well shit. He pressed another finger in and maintained eye contact.

"Yes, I'm ready." They pushed deeper onto his hand. "Come on, stop teasing. I want you."

"You have a condom or?" He should have brought one. In his excitement, he'd forgotten that one particular detail. It wasn't like he hadn't hoped he'd get lucky, he'd just--

"Of course, over in the nightstand. And don't forget to put more lube on. I don't want you wrecking my canal."

He wouldn't laugh. He wouldn't laugh. He, maybe, snickered, and moved to rummage through the drawer. The nightstand full of sex toys of various natures. He played with his tongue ring, and tried to sort through it all and get to the condoms. Ah, there they were. Behind the anal beads.

Well, at least he knew they liked to try lots of things. He could ask about some of his things in the future. But for the moment, he focused on making the tear in the packaging, and getting it unrolled properly.

"Come on, come on. I wanna feel you." And somehow that cuteness translated just perfectly into eager and slutty, and nothing seemed off about it.

Sebastian lined up, and pressed in. Tight, but wonderful. He slid in slowly, and made sure to watch reactions.

They hissed, but their eyes were lidded, and their face pleasantly neutral. "Yes. Ah, Sebastian."

He didn't even bother to take his clothes off. Jacket, shirt, trousers all remained on. He eased deeper into the beautiful man beneath him. "You like that?"

"Fuck. Yes. Go harder. I want it, ok?" And it's rough, a growl, until the end, when their voice softens a note and all but purrs out, so similar to all of his previous tones.

Dirty filthy beautiful man. Sebastian grunted, and pushed deep. "Yeah, like that?"

A non-verbal nod, and a whine. Eyes shut entirely, and the farmer let his face shift between so many different reactions, Sebastian couldn't track them all.

His own probably made similar expressions. Sebastian hadn't been inside someone in so damn long. Not since Zuzu City, and his long distance boyfriend. Lot of good that'd done, but it'd given him practice.

He fell over them, and worked his hands over soft hairy chest. "You're so cute."

"Same to you." Their eyes didn't even open, but a sloppy little grin sparked, and they pecked him with another sneaky kiss on the head. "You like how I feel?"

"Love it. You're so nice."

"Like exploring my depths?"

"I'm going to finish too fast if you laugh like that." He laughed a bit himself though, he couldn't help it.

The laughter got louder, and they peeked up and looked at him. They knew. They clenched, and laughed, and tugged at his shoulders to urge him to go faster. "So what?"

"Don't you want it to last longer?"

"I just like the experience. I like bodies." He worked himself over the cock. "Come when you need to."

"What about you?"

"I can get myself off if this doesn't. It might, might not. S'ok either way. It's not like you're going to roll over and leave me to my own devices while you sleep it off, right?"

"No."

"Well then." He pressed a kiss to Sebastian's neck, then eased back onto the fluffy pillows.

He still tried to keep an even pace. Not too fast, not too hard. He rocked into them, and kissed at their neck, and forehead, and at their short hair. "How are you so cute?"

"I'm just great, I guess." They flapped their arms up on either side of their head, and shrugged. "Who knows."

"So humble too."

"I'm humble all day in town. I deserve a break. It's hard work."

"It shows." He ground deeper, and increased his pace. He couldn't say much. Couldn't think much. Cute, hot, hard, warm, good.

"Oh, yes." They seemed to know before Sebastian.

He let out an almost embarrassing whine, and shuddered a few more times. A bit later, he pulled free, and tugged the filled condom off. "Ah, where should I?"

"Bathroom. And actually. Are you feeling up for a bath? I think it's the perfect post performance treat."

"I could go for a bath. I probably shouldn't get my hair wet though, it takes forever to dry."

"Same." They said, despite how their short hair probably did not take the same amount of time, at all.

He snorted, but lead into the bathroom. Despite himself, he was absolutely eager for access to that tub. He'd hoped he'd be lucky enough to get inside the other, and also inside the tub, the moment he'd seen both.

Within a few minutes, he was stripped of all of his cosplay, and the water steamed invitingly. He stepped closer, and leaned over to splash it a bit, and feel the temperature. "Oh, Yoba, that's nice."

"Right?" They plopped a few jellyfish looking toys into the water.

"You really are cute. Kids toys?"

"Oh, no, these are adult toys. Bath toys." He reached under, and pressed in a button. One by one, he turned each jellyfish on, until there was a veritable rainbow of pastel jellyfish that gently lit the water and floated along the bath currents. A moment later, the farmer stepped to the door, and flipped the lights off.

"And I guess that glass in the corner is an adult bath toy too, huh?" He stepped into the tub, and all but moaned at how immediately everything eased within his body and melted into the warmth.

"Oh, I could show you what that is, if you want."

"I'd love that."

In he stepped, and the tiny farmer straddled Sebastian just a moment, and reached over his shoulder to take hold of the glass dildo. "Pretty, huh?"

"You are." He kissed that nose.

"Pfft. I am. But I mean this. Isn't it nice?" He held it over the gentle jellies, and swirled it in hand, to show off all the colors that collected in patterns around the nubs of glass that smoothed out over the length of it and added no doubt pleasant texture.

"It looks great, yeah. Are you going to show me it though?"

"Do you want to see?"

"Obviously." He teased and stroked at his mostly flaccid cock. "I'm getting hard just thinking about it."

"What an eager boy. Naughty." He moved off of Sebastian, and lay back against the edge of the large bathtub. "Watch this." One hand pressed the head of the dildo in, and another reached out and lazily stroked along Sebastian’s length.

Fuck. His hands slowed, and pulled off entirely. He reached out, and wrapped around the farmer's shoulder with one, and steadied them both on the tub rim with the other. "I'm doing more than watching."

A soft laugh, and more contact.

Almost too much contact, so soon after, but he liked that increased sensitivity. He felt another throb in his cock. 

And his boyfriend, if they were boyfriends by then, tugged him to hardness within ten minutes, tops. All while they pounded their own body with the dildo, and worked themselves into a no doubt sweaty mess, but the tub made it hard to tell..

Sebastian couldn't take it much longer. He whimpered against that shoulder, and kissed it. "I should take over mine."

"Yeah? You don't like it?" They knew. It was a tease. The curl of those lips said it all.

"I love it. But." The water splashed a bit, and his hand clasped over theirs. "How about I just help. I'll show you exactly what I do to myself."

The farmer watched Sebastian's hand and followed with the pace and pressure Sebastian set, and continued show what they wanted with their body, using the dildo.

They didn't come at the same time. Sebastian was fairly certain that didn't even really happen in porn, and if it did, it was because they were trained to do it.

But his date didn't seem to mind that Sebastian spilled into the water first.

They just removed their hand from that cock, and focused entirely on working their own body. Fingers, fingers, rubbed at the clit, and eyes rolled back as the dildo shoved its way in. "Fuck, I love it."

He idly worried about if someone with a uterus really could get pregnant from semen in the water. But that thought shifted the moment he watched their face slide into absolute bliss. He leaned closer, and whispered, "You look so good. So perfect."

Fuck. They thrashed a bit, and their legs jutted out a bit, toes curled and pressed against the slippery edges of the tub. "Tell me more."

His voice rolled. "You're so hot. Wonderful. Your hand, your body, your everything. It's great. You're great. I love watching you."

He whimpered, and pressed the dildo deeper; then he let go entirely, and swirled his thumb over the clit a few more times, before even that hand ceased motions. Finally, the farmer relaxed entirely into the heated water, and pressed their forehead to Sebastian's wet chest. "Thank you."

"Thank you." He stroked through their hair, and along their back. "Though, I kind of feel like I need another bath after that."

"Hehehe. Are you a dirty boy?"

"No more than you are."

The farmer pressed a kiss to his lips, and settled over onto his lap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you fucking like that?  
> Tell me how cute it was, I feed on comments.  
> I love you.

**Author's Note:**

> http://stardew-nsfw-imagines.tumblr.com/ I'm dragon mod over here, send a prompt if you have something you wanna see. We get to them as quickly as we can.
> 
> Also, comment if you liked this! <3


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